THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR A TRUMPET PLAYER SAY

“Sorry, that adlib solo was way too over the top. I'll take it down a notch next time."

"I was playing too loud."

"Sorry, it was me that was off-tempo."

"I make plenty of money!"

"I can't decide between the Ferrari and the Mercedes."

"I'm not good enough to play first. Is it okay if I sit in the fourth chair?"

"He's a much better a trumpet player than I am."

"Man, your solo was great. I'm glad I didn't have to do it - it wouldn't have sounded as good."

"The last measure says '8va optional', but I'd prefer to play it as written."

"I only need one trumpet."

"I use my E-flat/D all the time!"

"I don't care what kind of oil I use - it's all the same."

"I need to tune up."

"All you need is a good 'D'. Anything higher than that is just screeching."

"Excuse me. Can you ask the clarinet section to play louder? We can't hear them."

"That was a beautiful flute solo!"

"I really wish I had learned to play the oboe instead."

"I have a solo coming up, but I'd rather the sax player take it."

"I didn't like the way Miles played that."

"Haydn wrote a trumpet Concerto?"

"Maynard who?"

"Man, there's nothing like a good marimba concert!"

"Finally! I nice quiet slow passage!"

"I chose a trumpet based on my needs, rather than worrying about the kind Wayne Bergeron plays."

"I turned that down. They offered me too much money."

"So many girlfriends - I have trouble keeping up with them."

"I tried out for that, but I was rejected because I just wasn't good enough.'

   (Courtesy of Steve Goodson - the "Sax Gourmet" - and saxnation.com)